Decision Made

I am
uttering sentences I always hated others saying.
Giving reasons to people I told others weren't good enough.

I am
sorry. I didn't understand  how hard the decision was.
I wish I could take back the bitter thoughts I had.
The agony of what is the right thing to do,
uncertainty of where God want me,
of saying goodbye when so much of me doesn't want to leave.

The devastation of the looks of betrayal,
people telling me I'm being selfish.
The love from those who know me best,
who smile sadly and say they understand.

I am
ripping off the band aid.
Made a decision and carring it out.
Advice asked, prayers prayed, tears shed.
Refusing to disappear, though it's easier that way.

Baptism

We all set off, down a track to a small water hole. A beautiful part of the Australian bush that made me want to sit and drink in the beauty.

The happy sound of conversations flow around me and I am content to just walk and listen. It's about 5 minutes from the main building, through the bush to the water hole. I wish it was further.

Water trickles down through large sandstone rocks, small frogs leap between the ponds that lead down to the main waterhole, wattle and gumtrees line the banks.

The water was ice cold, I caught my breath as I tip toed across a stream to find a place to stand.

There were people all around, sitting and standing around the rocks that circled the small dam. There were men, women, teenagers, grandparents and toddlers.

We sang song, without accompaniment, simple words of praise.

7 people were baptised.

I hadn't witnessed full immersion baptism before - most Presbyterians prefer the sprinkling of water. We're like that.

And I'm most use to infant baptism, where children grow up in Christian families and our church is full of people who have always known God. Our new church is reaching out to many people who have never been to church before - know very little about God until they are told. It's exciting to see adults making decisions to follow Christ and being part of a community that celebrates that.

I don't want to leave that sacred place. I would happily sit and watch the water flow for hours. I eagerly look forward to next year, only so I can find this place again. Maybe on my own, maybe with someone. There I will sit and worship my God. There I will sing songs.

You're welcome to come too. As long as you don't mind my singing, the dancing, the musing about things so much bigger than myself.

___________________________________________

I'm joining in with Just Write over at EO.

Church Camp

I am

a little bit unsettled

by how content I feel

with a baby on my hip.

(image source)

The end of the beginning

I have often said that my church is my home and my family. I love my church so much. But change is in the air.

We have been gradually getting smaller, and while the core group is still here there is little else. Slowly different ministries had to stop as the number of people attending and the number of people able to run them dwindled to almost nothing. It got to a point where we were all tired and spiritually/emotionally/physically exhausted.

When our minister left about a year ago some difficult decisions had to be made. After much discussion, meetings and prayer we have decided to close our church for now. We will be merging with another church near us; a bigger, vibrant church who have welcomed us with open arms.

Yesterday was the last service for our church. We had a big thanksgiving service to which we invited everyone who has ever had anything to do with St D's. It was beautiful. It was joyous. It was sad. Tears were shed.

But there is an air of hope again that has been missing for a while. The preacher used the quote that this is not the end, or even the beginning of the end, but rather the end of the beginning. We will still be sharing God's presence in our area, just a little differently. I have joined in a few things with our new church already, and have begun to make friendships (amazing to have girls my own age at church!).

Our first service together is next week. I am excited to meet together with my new family.

Quite possibly my favourite kids talk so far

Most evangelical Church's have a kids talk before the kids go out to Sunday School. I've seen plenty - A good kids talk can be tricky to achieve; it has to memorable, it has to capture the interest of kids of many different ages, and it has to drive home the main message; all in about 5 minutes.

This Sunday I think I witnessed one of the best kids talks I've seen in a long time.
Cynthia was trying to explain the idea of connectedness within Gods family to the kids (We were looking at Romans 12: 3-16, but many passages explore the same concept).

Cynthia gave all the kids a ball of wool, they gave her the end, then she asked them to go find someone who teaches them about God. The kids got that person to hang onto the wool, while the kids kept hanging onto the ball. Cynthia then asked the kids to find someone who serves them morning tea and the kids got that person to hold onto the wool. The kids kept going, connecting us all up - people who pray for us, people who welcome us in the morning, people who we play with, people who read the Bible to us.

By the end our church looked like this;

As someone said 'The church has never looked better"
We were all there, together, connected. It made me so happy to see it like that.

Good technology, Bad technology

Normally I love technology. It's useful, fun and so handy.


Except when both registers crashed at work on weekend. We pulled out the manual credit machine and stared at it blankly for a few minutes - I've never used one before!


But technology can also bring us together in ways never possible before. A lady from our church works as a Bible translator in PNG and last Sunday we were able to ring her from church and speak to her in real time. She had a mobile phone with her in the village she was working in, and our minister used his mobile connected to the sound system to ring her.

I was sitting there marvelling at the possibilities. How amazing that we can learn how our missionaries are going right now, that a whole church can talk to one of our members in a 3rd world country, that we can get prayer points in real time - without the several weeks delays that post takes.

I'm willing to put up a few more technology breakdowns if it means we can use it in such amazing ways.

Tea?

I hosted another women's afternoon tea for the women at church this Sunday. They are a lot of fun, there isn't really any purpose; just to spend time together. We sit and chat and share and laugh together. It's so rare that that happens any more. There are so many meeting with agendas, ministries to organise, deadline and schedules. It's very rare that we have a chance to just be together. Yet it is during those times that you get to know each other a little more, and become a community together.

Do you like my cake stand? My Aunty didn't want it so she passed it on to me, Yay!

Church Family

I don't mind going to church at night. It is mainly made up of people my age. We chat about crazy things over supper. The atmosphere is a little more relaxed. The preacher doesn’t wear a tie.

But
I LOVE to go to church in the morning.
I love to walk in and hear the buzz of conversations around me.
I love to watch the children dodge around the seats and laugh at each other. The children range in age from 6 months to 12 years, but they know each other and the older ones watch out for the younger ones.
I love to look over at the area where the ‘oldies’ always sit. I may grieve that their number is lessening, but I am encouraged by their faithfulness through the years.
I love to watch the parents as they quieten their children next to them, and the way the husbands put their arms around their wives during the reading when they share the same Bible.
I love the way we know each other, how we have grown to care for each other.
At morning church I know what it means to be a part of Gods family. I know what it is to love sincerely and be loved in return. I watch the way people talk with one another after the service and I know they feel it too.

This is why I love to be part of an inter-generational church, why as long as the teaching is solid and true I will never want to leave, and if I have to move will seek out another 'morning' church. This is my family. I am constantly grateful that God saw fit to let me become a part of it.

Not the way I wanted

On Saturday Mum and I and a couple of ladies from church went to Equip. It was a really great day, I missed last years so I was eager to go this year.

The talks were from Esther, which is one of my favourite books in the Bible. (As a child I loved the books of Esther and Ruth, probably because they both were named after women - but now I love them for the stories of faith). Esther also proves somethings I've always believed firmly; "There's no such thing as coincidences, just God at work."

After the talks Nicole did a live 'blog post' with Ali. I ,of course, poked Mum and said - "hey I know her!" (which I don't really, but I do read her blog)

Ali said something which struck a cord with me that she had learnt from Esther. I can't remember exactly, but what I remember was something along these lines;
Sometimes we think that because we can't serve God the way we wanted to then we don't have to try - that God has gotten it wrong. Instead we should look for how God wants us to serve him in the life he has given us.

Some times I fall into that trap, I think 'Well God I was going to do this for you, but you didn't let it happen so that's a bit of a waste isn't it?' instead I should be saying 'So God, this is where you have placed me and I believe you have put me here for a reason. Please show me how I can serve you here.'

I imagine that when Esther was young she didn't plan on being married to the King who had her people in exile, having to wait until he called for her, and spending days in the harem with no (or little) access to her family. But God used her where he had placed her, though it mightn't have been what she expected.

Praying with our missionaries

At camp, as I said, the focus was on mission. Our speaker was Bruce Dipple, who lectures at SMBC, and was also a missionary in Niger for a number of years.

He spoke of quite a few things, but something that struck me especially about how we at 'home' are partners in the work that missionaries are doing around the world (be it church planting in Western Sydney, translating the Bible in Asia, or teaching in a Bible college in the Pacific).

There was of course the encouraging that we can do for our missionaries; by sending letters or emails, visiting if able, sending care packages to show you are thinking of them.

Bruce talked about how when we send missionaries out, our missionaries are an extension of our church's ministry. It's not something separate that they do over there, but something we are all a part of as Gods people reaching out to the world.

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Romans 15:30

Bruce pointed out the part of joining with Paul by praying for him. The Roman church was a part of Paul's ministry, a vital one which. Praying with our missionaries is missionary work - we are all of one body and prayer can travel the space and time between our home church and our missionary.

Can I encourage you to find out about a missionary you have a connection with, learn about their ministry in detail so that you can be a partner in their work. God does amazing things when we pray.

(photo courtesy of sxc)

The feet of those who bring good news

We had church camp this weekend. I do love my church family, I thank God for them. At times it was overwhelming, but I loved having meals with friends and having children running around, and singing praises together.

The theme of the week was Beautiful feet - with reference to Romans 10:13-15. We thought alot about mission and how we can partner with missionaries around the world.

I'm incredibly tired, but very motivated.

Of Babies and Sunburn

I spent the last week child minding at the Quizworx retreat. 2 almost four year olds and 3 baby/toddlers; I was in my element :). I'm a little unsettled by how happy and content I am when lugging around a baby on my hip.

I also experience for the first time in my life the sleep deprivation that comes from a 10 month old deciding to wake at 2 am and cry for an hour for no apparent reason. But the next morning he crawls up to me and grins, and I reach down for a cuddle and forget to be mad.

I managed to go the whole week without getting sun burnt, despite the numerous trips to the beach, the pool and the park. But I managed to spoil it by getting so sun burnt on the way home I can bearly move. Which wouldn't be so bad, but we have Sunday School dedication today and all the teachers will be prayed for at the front of the church. So I will have to stand in front of the whole congregation looking like a big, red lobster.

One day I will remember to put on sunscreen every single day no matter what and never get burnt again.

Be quick to encourage

Last Sunday was the last Sunday School for the year. There was the annual 'report to the church about what we've been doing' segment during the service.

We also give a small gift to each child in our class.

I had finished the report on what the preschool class had done during the year, complete with photos on the big screen which made one of my little pupils beside herself with excitement.

As I gave each child their gift I thanked them especially for something that they bring to our class.

For example one little boy always makes sure that everyone has a seat at group time, and will always take peoples craft to them if they forget it, so I thanked him for 'being so kind and loving to everyone'.

The little girl who loved seeing her photo is the most happy little thing and will burst into song at any moment (and now she is beginning to talk, I can actually understand some of the words :) ) so I thanked her for 'bringing her happy, bubbly spirit to our class'.

It was a simple thing that I didn't think too much about after I'd given the talk, but the reaction I got from other people in the congregation was amazing. They were so happy to hear positive things about people in our church.

It made me wonder, are we more willing to share the bad with each other than the good? As a church do we complain so much more than we encourage?

It shouldn't be that way, we should be building one another up in love. We should be encouraging people in the little contributions they give to our church family.

It was a definite wake up call for me, to be more positive in the way I talk, and to be more proactive in my encouragement of those around me.

(As a side note, I'm spending Christmas with Mum and Dad, and have decided to spend a few extra days with them to recover from 'life'. While I'm up there I'm planning on taking a blog break, so I'll take the time now to wish everyone a Happy Christmas celebrating our Lords birth, and a fun New Year. I'll be back in 2009!)

(photo from sxc)

Toddler Rhymes

I always have heaps of projects going on in my mind. I'll remember one suddenly and it becomes an obsession to do lots of work on it, until the next project captures my attention.

Something I've been working on for several years is compileing a collection of simple finger rhymes/songs which you can use with toddlers and preschoolers to explain basic Biblical truths. It's actually hard to find good ones, either the songs are too long and complicated for this age group, or I just don't exactly like the wording.

So I decided to write a bunch of my own, hmm . . . easier said than done!

I'm not exactly musical so I wanted to base most of them on tunes children will already know (like twinkle twinkle little star, or incey wincy spider etc, etc). And it's so hard to try and write little verses without wanting to add too much information!



This is a little action rhyme I've done with my Sunday school children which they enjoyed, I wanted to give an overview of why the Bible is so important. The actions for each line are in italics



The Bible is Gods gift to me and you,

(Make hands into a book, then point to yourself, then others)

God wrote it so we know it's true.

(Motion writing, then point to brain, then gives thumbs up)

It tells how God's son Jesus came,

(Point to 'heaven', then mimic cradling a baby)

To make us friends with God again.

(outstretch arms -signifies the cross and also giving someone a hug;

point to 'heaven', then thumbs up)

This one doesn't have a tune, but after you say it a few times it develops a rhythm. What do you think?

I'd also love to do some which are straight Bible verses, because you can't improve on Gods word :).

Does anyone know of other good rhymes to do with toddlers?

(image from sxc)

My Family

On Saturday Joshua and I went to an engagement party for another missionary kid we grew up with in Talua and a girl I use to go to uni with. That morning I had gotten a text to let me know a guy I went to youth group with had proposed to his girlfriend. My closest friend from school just celebrated her first wedding anniversary. My best friend is in a serious relationship. I run out of fingers when I count all the people I know who will be having babies in the next few months.

This all added up to me waking up on Sunday with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness.

I've learnt to pick the signs; I knew that I needed to get out of the house. I needed to be with people, but I couldn't be somewhere where I needed to make a huge effort. What a blessing it was Sunday.

I was able to drag myself out of bed, get dressed and go to church.

I sat in the pew and felt my mood start to lift already. I love the buzz of conversations around me. People who know me smile. We all join in with gusto to sing. After the service I sat for a long time and just cuddled my favourite little boy.

Not everything is better, I'm still struggling. I may never have a family of my own - but I so thankful that I have a family here, in my church.

photo from sxc

Church

(This is part of an ongoing series chronicling memories of my life growing up as a missionary kid in Vanuatu. For links to previous posts you can go here)




One of my favourite memories from Talua is the church services. Every Sunday morning church was held in the hall. Chairs were set up in rows with an aisle down the middle. The women sit on the left, and the men sit on the right. The single girls sat at the front of their side and the single guys at the front of their side. The students wear their uniform of white Island dresses for the girls and short sleeve white shirts, black pants and ties for men. Dark skin sets off white so nicely (skin like mine just looks even more sun burnt).

Someone would start up a chorus and the whole church would sing simple praise songs while we waited for church to start.

While we were in Vanuatu only the New Testament had been translated into Bislama (Since then the whole Bible has been translated) so we would read New testament readings in Bislama and Old Testament readings in English. The sermon was always in Bislama (unless their was a visiting western preacher) so it took quite a while before we could understand the whole service.

Above all else I loved the singing. Everyone had a copy of a blue songbook with hymns and choruses translated into Bislama, Ol Sing Blong Nu Life. Some of those hymns were so popular, and we sang them so often I can’t sing them in English, the Bislama words keep sneaking into my mouth. Maybe it’s because they live in an oral culture, one so full of music, but all the Ni-Vanuatu staff and students have natural musical intuition. Without any accompaniment everyone naturally takes their parts and all the voices lift in absolute harmony. It sounds so beautiful.

After the service is over the choruses start again as we all file out in order to shake hands with the preacher and any other significant people. It starts with the people in the front row filing out one by one, and no one leaves until it’s their rows turn to leave.

I like order. I like knowing exactly what to do when. I appreciated filing out like that.

Do I love it?

At church we were having a discussion about the idea of justification by faith alone, and thinking about times when it is implied that this isn't true. Someone mentioned that sometimes they felt that people say that to be saved we have to read the Bible everyday and if we don't then we arn't really a Christian. (This is one way of looking at it, of course someone who is a Christian should spend time in Gods word, and we should still even if we don't feel like it)

In answer to this Paul (one of our elders) said something really cool - I'll try and remember how he said it.

"We often turn good things that God gives us into obligations. If you don't read the Bible for a few days don't think that God is up in heaven angry and condemning us to hell, rather we have missed a wonderful opportunity to grow in our faith. Same with praying, if we don't do it we are actually denying ourselves the privilege of communicating with our God."



It was a way of looking at it that I hadn't thought about before. Before when I miss my quite times I beat myself up by saying things like "What kind of Christian are you? God must really hate me now." and then make myself do double what I normally do to make up for it.


When in fact God doesn't want me to spend time with him because I feel forced to, dragging my feet and hanging my head.

He wants me to love spending time with Him, He wants me to delight in what he is teaching me and to want to talk with Him.

photo courtesy of the bbp

Change

There were times when I liked being a minister’s daughter. I liked the instant family we had, the mix of ages who suddenly were connected to us. I liked that we never had to convince our parents to let us go to the church picnic or dinner or whatever (like some of my friends with non Christian parents did). I loved being ministered to by Dads preaching every week.


But there were times when I didn’t like it.

Now is one of them.


When Dad moved to minister in the country, Mum went with him and Joshua and I stayed in Sydney. We kept going to the church where Dad had been the minister for the past 8 years. This church has been vacant for about a year and a half and now, finally, we are about to have a new minister.


As we get ready to welcome this new family into our congregation I am getting nervous. The manse is being redone. Having lived in over 10 houses in my 22 years, the manse is the place I have lived the longest in my life. And while I knew it wasn’t ever ‘our’ house, it did feel like ‘My’ home. I had painted my room a lovely purple, we had a place in the kitchen where we had put tiny marks to measure our height as we grew. It was in that house that I had locked myself away in my bedroom the night Nana died, it was that house where I agonised over the HSC and took over the living room with my art major work, it was that house that I watched Dad battle with cancer. In that house I grew from a pimply, awkward young teenager, to a young woman.


I know it seems silly to feel attached to a house; it’s just a building of bricks and wood. But being a minister and missionary kid you learn not to put roots down because they’ll just be torn up again. But in that house I let my guard down, we lived there longer than anywhere else. In Vanuatu I knew we would always leave, but here the leaving was always in the distance, there was no time set and it never really seemed possible.


The manse is being redone for the new minister’s family. My lovely purple room is being painted a boring cream. They are ripping up the carpet and having floor boards instead. All the walls are being painted so you can’t see the marks that prove I was taller than Joshua at some time.


And I think that my thoughts about the house are really covering up my feelings about having a new minister. Having someone other than Dad preaching every Sunday. Having someone other than Dad leading our church. As people talked about what they wanted to find in a new minister in my mind I felt they were saying what they hadn’t found in Dad. When we voted to call our new minister I felt like I was betraying Dad.


I am a little scared that I will dislike the decisions that our new minister makes because it is not what Dad would do.

Change is a fact of life; I just wish I didn’t feel it so keenly.

New Thinking About Ministry

The new Briefing came in the mail yesterday. Often when I’m having dinner alone it’s tempting to put the TV on and watch it while I have dinner. Tonight, as I put my plate on the table I saw the unopened copy of the Briefing and decided to read it instead.
I’m so glad I did! There were a number of thought provoking articles and one in particular which caught my attention because it looked at something I have been thinking about a bit in regards to our church.

The article by Colin Marshall looked at shifting the way we view ministry and outreach from being event and program focused to being people focused.
He proposed 10 strategies to bring this change about (which are adapted form a book he is writing about training in ministry)
These are three I think would be helpful for our church.

1. Rather than look at the programs you have always run, look at the needs and the gifts of the people in your church and use them.
God gives each of us gifts, which are unique to us and specially suited to the types of ministries that God has planned for us to do. (It was he [Christ] who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Ephesians 4:11-13)

Shouldn’t we be working on building up peoples God given talents and using them to minister to our church, instead of trying to push them into a role which they won’t be able to do as well just because it’s what we have always done?


2. Focus on training people and growing their walk with God.
As a kid growing up in youth group I knew it was expected that I would be serving the church in the future. While I think this is a good thing, and I wanted to serve our church – at times I felt (as did others) pressure to serve because it was what I was meant to do not because I had a love of God that I wanted to share with others, or as an outward expression of my faith.
People who have a strong faith should naturally want to do things to help their church and to tell others about Christ. So if we focus on building peoples love of Christ first, then willing, enthusiastic and capable volunteers should be the result (I know that doesn’t always happen, but its better than pushing someone into a ministry without really know what their spiritual life is like). This is where a church of mentors would be great. Where each member is getting alongside another younger Christian and seeing where they are at, becoming a part of their lives and encouraging them to serve as their gifts and maturity allows.

And we can’t forget about a persons spiritual growing when they start in a ministry. This is a vulnerable time – people become burned out and disillusioned easily with eternal consequences. When I went through a dark period while serving in a ministry at church I felt so alone and had no one to go to for help. When things in my life first started to go bad one of the things that was neglected was my ministry which meant that my problems weren’t just affecting me but the other people I was serving with and the people we were serving.


3. Not just filling the gaps.
I guess this is partly point one and two rolled in together. Just because there is a gap in a ministry and there is a random person passing by does not mean that they are suited to that ministry, nor should they do the ministry. When there is a gap in a ministry there should be many prayers and thoughtful consideration.
A quote I like from the article is this “We should start with the people God has given us, not our programmes. . . . So instead of thinking ‘who can fill this gap in our personnel?’, perhaps the question we need to consider is ‘what ministry could this member exercise?’”
Of course I know that sometimes people need a bit of encouragement to serve, but if God wants a programme to continue, He will provide the people to serve in it.


There are many more points in the article which I found quite thought provoking. Of course just saying all this won’t change anything. And I know many people in our church would like this way of thinking, we’ve had numerous meetings about how things should be run. But maybe now as we are about to have a new minister, people might be more open to a bit of change in thinking. I’m going to keep praying about it, I would love to see God work powerfully in our church.

photo by § Mary §

An afternoon tea

For a while now I've been feeling that the women at church never have any time to fellowship. We are at church or bible studies or at working bee - all of which are good things, but we rarely get together socially as the women of God at St D to encourage one another. And so I decided to fix it and plan to have some sort of simple gathering once a month or so; nothing stressful or mandatory, just a time to relax and join together.

Last Sunday afternoon we had our first gather, an afternoon tea. I made butterfly ginger bread, spinach and fetta muffins, mini lemon tarts, and little cakes with chocolate and pink icing. It all looked very pretty.

10 women turn up to our unit, from 18 months to 80-ish. It was so fun, just to build a bit on the relationships. I look forward to doing it again.