Six Months

Six months ago found me walking down a street to a restaurant I had never been to, to meet a man I had never seen face to face before. A last tug at my clothes, a few deep breathes, convincing myself not to throw up or cry I kept going forward. Someone was sitting on the wall outside the restaurant and he stood up as I approached.
"Hi, Erin." He said
"Brett," I replied and we smiled nervously at each other.

A table was reserved for us, and we sat down. Made small talk until the waiter came with menus and drinks. At that point I knew the possibility, but I had no idea how much the next 3 hours would impact the rest of my life.

Let's go back further, a few months before that.

 .   .   .   .   .

I was getting on, you see; 27 and still single in Christian circles is a bit of a rarity. My real fear was not that I wasn't dating currently, but that I had never dated. Ever. There had never been any boy who had decided I was worth getting to know better. I wondered, if no one had thought I was worth getting to know up to this stage, what would change that? I was 27 and had never been on a date, never held hands, never been kissed. As most possibilities found their match, and my friends married I wondered if Gods plan was for me to remain single.

I hated that idea, but I also wanted to follow God's will for my life. I hated the idea of being single and without a family of my own for the rest of my life. But I hated the idea of being with someone who didn't love God and his people as much as I did even more. Better to be lonely in this life, than live in disobedience to God I believed.

I prayed desperately for God to answer my prayers. To grant me my hearts desires. Or if not, then I asked that He take away this longing. Stop my heart from breaking every time I hung out with friends and being the only single there. Stop my arms from longing for a child of my own every time I held my friends babies. Stop this utter desire for love and companionship that I didn't know what to do with.

Yet God did not take away that desire. I still ached most days, wishing I could say that God was enough. Knowing He was enough and would always be enough, yet not able to quench this longing.

For about a year, or possibly longer I had had a few people suggest that I might like to try internet dating. I had dismissed it, thinking it was a selfish step, going behind God's back. But more and more people would mention it to me, some in passing, some in genuine conversations. Then the leader at a course I was doing at church told me that she had started dating someone recently that she had met online, and gave me suggestions on how to do it safely and within God's will. That God can use all situations when we surrender them to him. That something may come of it, or maybe nothing will, but at least I had tried.

I prayed. And thought. Decided to do it and then backed down. Talked about it with close friends. Finally I decided to go ahead and do it. Found a Christian online site, filled out the form and payed the money.

For about two months nothing happened. Then a few emails from guys. One I was not interested in. One I corresponded with for a while before deciding our beliefs were very different. One I agreed to meet up with, but he pulled out at the last minute.

Then I got a message from someone. His name was Brett, I checked out his profile and was impressed by his love of Christ, his genuine commitment to God and God's people, his humility and friendliness. I sent a message back, and we began to email.

I was in Kiama with my parents during the school holidays when we started emailing. At first I was hesitant, but soon I was waiting impatiently for the next email. We had very similar beliefs, enjoyed similar interests and wrote long emails back and forth about everything under the sun.
2 weeks after emailing he suggested meeting up and I was ready. I wanted to see if this connection was real, better to find out sooner rather than later. A phone call that went longer than I thought with giggles and easy conversations and working out connections (Sydney Christian circles!). I did a bit of goggling that night, to make sure he was who he said he was (what I found on line backed up what he said).

Which brings us back to lunch at the restaurant. We ended up chatting for 3 hours - which if you know me is a miracle in itself. I don't normally talk easily with guys, especially ones I only just met. As my friend said when I phoned her that evening all confused "Hun, if you can talk to a guy you just met for 3 hours without running out of things to say, there's something there."

We agreed to meet up 2 days later. A week after our first meeting we had another date and ended up spending 7 hours doing the Bondi to Coogee walk and then sitting on the beach talking. I closed my online dating account that night. We made it official the week after.

And six months after that first face to face meeting we are still going strong.

I'm in love. And Brett loves me back. And I am so full of thankfulness and joy. We look back and say God was our matchmaker. We live on opposite sides of the city, and both so involved in our local churches and in different professions there is not much chance we would have met any other way. But God stepped in and used online dating to bring us together. All in his perfect timing He brought the man who was most perfect for me into my life.

Happy dance :)

This is the LORD’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. Psalm 118:23

 

 

Suffering

Found the church bulletin from a few weeks ago with some scribbling on it.

2 Corinthians 1:3-6

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.

 And the notes I had written down from the sermon were;
"We will suffer and expect to suffer in this life. But we can also expect to be comforted by God in our suffering.
One of the reasons is so that we can comfort those who are also suffering."

The comfort from a friend who has walked the path I am walking is one that reminds me that God was with them through that time, so He will be with me. *

May I not be overcome by my trials, but allow God and friends to comfort me. And may I use these times to be able to reach out to others who are hurting and point them to God.

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*That's not to say that people can not comfort you if they haven't experienced what you are going through. I have had many wonderful friends who have let me cry on their shoulder and spoken amazing truths to me who are living and live a completely different set of circumstances to me. The ones who do this best point me to God, rather than try to make me believe that they understand exactly how I am feeling.

Seek

At church today someone read out a verse, Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
   but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Only I miss heard it and thought it said 'Hope deferred makes a heart seek'.

I was thinking how when we face difficulties and when our life doesn't go as plan we have a choice. We can choose to be full of anger or we can seek God.

When I looked up the verse I realised my mistake. It's true, a hope deferred does make the heart sick, and I like the idea of a longing fulfilled. But I have defiantly seen lately how seeking God is the best decision when your heart is sick.

(photo credit)

A new Necklace

 

Using some of my birthday money I bought a necklace and (with our postal system) it finally arrived today.

Isn't it so pretty? I love it!

I bought it from Ladybughugz on Etsy. I wanted my own phrase on it, rather than names or a saying. The words I picked are from one of my favourite verses;

The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.

 Zephaniah 3:17

As soon as I picked up the parcel I put it on and plan to wear it everyday - a lovely reminder that when the noise of the world and my mind gets too much, I can focus on Him and he will quiet my heart.

That your love may abound

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless

for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through

 Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:9-11

We learnt this verse at Bible study last week. I realised that I will often pray for physical things for friends and family (have a good day, get better if sick, cope with a busy week) but I very rarely pray for people spirituality. It was a good reminder to go beyond the everyday and pray for something of eternal significance.

(photo credit)

Deliverance will arise

I had some of the girls from church over for dinner and we watched One Night With The King (a movie of the story of Esther – quite a nice film. It takes some liberties with the story and historical context, but stays reasonably true to the real story. And the costumes are gorgeous)


When it gets to the climax Mordecai says the line that many know from Esther 4 ‘And who knows but that you have come to your position for such a time as this?’ This line in the story is often quoted to back up that God puts us in certain places for certain reasons. Which I believe is true.

But I was struck by what Mordecai says just before this (In Esther 4:14) For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place.

I suddenly realised that Mordecai knew that God would deliver his people. Mordecai hoped that Esther would be a part of that deliverance, but Gods plans did not depend on Esther.

God would save the Jews whether Esther trusted Him or not.

God’s plans are not set in place by men; God makes his own plans and sets them into motion himself. God does not need to rely on a person to make His plans come about. If God gives us an opportunity to be part of His plans and we decide not to trust Him, then God will still complete His plan, but without using us.

How insignificant this makes me feel to realise how large and in control God is! How amazingly blessed it makes me feel to know that God can do so much without me and yet still chooses to allow me to play a part in his plans!

Beginnings

Somehow New Years has crept up on me.

2010 turned out to be a good year; I graduated university, and began a job! I faced struggles and overcame them; I grew and learnt alot about myself in the process.

I helped welcome babies and watched relationships grow and blossom. I farewelled friends on their own adventures.

In some ways I know what 2011 will hold, in others it's an amazing blank canvas. I don't really make resolutions, but I make plans. One of them is to be better at updating my blog - but we'll have to see how that goes :).

The passage this morning at church was a great reminder to make time in Gods word as I consider the year ahead. As I make plans for the year ahead, I remember to commit it all to him; the artist that colours my life and knows the placement for all the paint that will fill my 'blank' canvas.

Blessed is the one

who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

or sit in the company of mockers,

but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,

and who meditates on his law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither—

whatever they do prospers.

Psalm 1:1-4

 

 

 

(photo credits)

Being

The last few weeks at night service at church we have been listening to Kirk Patstons talks from 2009 Easter Convention about a Biblical perspective on time, from Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is a difficult book to read, but for the first time I was beginning to understand the perspective it was written from, and the imagery it uses to provoke thoughts.

I have been really challenged by the talks and can't recommend them enough. There is so much in each talk to think about and consider. I could go on about them all - but really Kirk says it so much better than I can :), you can download the talks here. (scroll down a little)

One of the things that I was challenged about was 'being in the moment'. Whatever I'm doing now is important, and I should be doing it well. Whether it's playing with kids, getting dinner ready, talking on the phone. I find I have gotten into the habit of always doing more than one thing at a time, distracting myself from the moment at hand.

So it was a good reminder to be, not constantly rushing and multitasking.

A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26

 

Never, never, never

On the commute home I've been listening to a range of things. One of them is my Bible on CD.

Romans 4:7-8
"Blessed are they
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man
whose sin the Lord will never count against him."

Equip Part 2

Part 1 here

The second talk was given by Ainsley Poulos. Her talk hit straight to the heart because it was about Envy - “the sin no one admits to”. She explained envy is not just about coveting things that others have, but hating the person who has the thing you want. It’s about wishing evil against a person and poisons us from the inside.

Ainsley shone a light on the thinking that is often behind envy. We think that there is a limit to Gods good and if people are getting more than we think they should then we start to protest – what about me? We start to worry that we will miss out on our fair share. Basically we begin to question Gods goodness.

It’s important that we recognise when we begin to be filled with envy. Instead focus on God and all the good things he has given us.


The talks had much more details than I could write here, you will be able to get the talks at some point in the future from the Equip website, I think they will be well worth it.

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
1 Corinthians 2:2

Photo credit

Equip Part 1

On Saturday Mum and I headed off to Equip with a few women from church. It worked out so well that Dad flew out the day before Equip (and Mothers Day) so Mum could come and see him off, and then spend the weekend with us.

It’s so encouraging to be in the Sydney Convention Centre with thousands of other Christian Women.

Equip this year focused on 2 Peter; chapter 1.
Di Warren gave the first talk. One thing that she said that struck me was that it’s perfectly normal to be dissatisfied at times with this world. The thing to remember is that as we search for something to satisfy us, while there are many good things in the world given to us from God - nothing will satisfy us fully aside from knowing God.

Now that we know God we should be seeking to live like God, growing in Godliness.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1: 5-8

Part 2 Here

Finders Keepers

Tonight we went off to Finders Keepers market. It's an annual designers market I kept meaning to go and check it out. And when Joshua's friend had a stall it was the perfect excuse.

Lots of gorgeous stuff to look at. A creative girl's dream.

One of my favourites was a stationary/card business called We Are Messengers. The cards have a clean design, and have many nice sentiments that I was delighted to recognise.

If you have the chance, go over to Finders keepers - you won't be disappointed.

What does the Lord require of you?

A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too I see is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat and find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness.
Ecclesiastes 2:24-26a

This passage was in my daily Bible reading. It really sums up how I feel at times; so often the whole life thing seems a bit pointless. You wake up, you eat, you do some work and then you go back to bed. And without God, that’s about it.
But this is looking at life without the big picture in mind. Without a view of the world as part of a plan that God has already written.

He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. . . That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
Ecclesiastes 3:11-14

Without God, I hate to think of where I would be now. He has given me a purpose and sense of fulfilment, even in the midst of an everyday, seemingly unexciting life. It reminded me of a verse in Micah;

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

(Photo credit)

Faith that Lasts

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. . .

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 1: 4 and 12

It's not about pretending everything is fine, it's not about never having disappointments or failures.

It's about clinging to God despite all that. It's about who we have relied on through the whole journey, not just when we felt like it.

That is what real faith is about; that is a faith that lasts, endures for ever.

(photo credit)

Psalm 147

Praise the LORD.

How good it is to sing praises to our God,

how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Psalm 147 verse 1

How often do my prayers focus on me? How often do I praise God simply because of who He is?

(photo credit)

A beautiful reminder

My tulips have flowered!

See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:28-33

Road Block

There is some road works going on near our house. Thankfully it's mostly at night so it's not too much of an inconvenience.

I don't mind the road works becasue I quite like driving on the new, fresh road. It's so smooth without any bumps, dips or loose gravel flying around.

Tonight, while I was waiting at a stop sign at the road works I was day dreaming and suddenly thought - This is like what God does, he covers up the old road to make us into new roads, without bumps and dips.

Then I thought, No, he doesn't.

God doesn't just cover up my sin; my selfishness, my impatience, my hatred and everything else. He has completely got rid of it, and created a totally new road. In his eyes the old road does not exist.

And the new road is now heading in a completely new direction.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

the old has gone, the new has come!

2 Corinthians 5:17.

(picture credit)

He is my praise, He is my God.

I love the times when I'm reading through my Bible and discover a passage which I never noticed before. Maybe I had read it before, but didn't pay any attention to it. Or maybe I just haven't visited that part of Gods word before.

My devotional readings are making it's way through Deuteronomy at the moment. I haven't really read it before - I always thought of it as a another list of rules and history I don't understand - that are important but don't really relate to me today.

Instead I have found so many bits and pieces which speak to me today, all those years later.

And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the LORD's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?
To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. Yet the LORD set his affection on your forefathers and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations, as it is today. Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer. For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt. Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.

(Deuteronomy 10:12-21)

What does God ask of me, but to fear the LORD my God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD my God with all my heart and with all my soul, and to observe the LORD's commands and decrees? It encompasses everything.

But he doesn't expect me to do it alone, I can only do it when I hold fast to him.

(photo credit)

Praying with our missionaries

At camp, as I said, the focus was on mission. Our speaker was Bruce Dipple, who lectures at SMBC, and was also a missionary in Niger for a number of years.

He spoke of quite a few things, but something that struck me especially about how we at 'home' are partners in the work that missionaries are doing around the world (be it church planting in Western Sydney, translating the Bible in Asia, or teaching in a Bible college in the Pacific).

There was of course the encouraging that we can do for our missionaries; by sending letters or emails, visiting if able, sending care packages to show you are thinking of them.

Bruce talked about how when we send missionaries out, our missionaries are an extension of our church's ministry. It's not something separate that they do over there, but something we are all a part of as Gods people reaching out to the world.

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Romans 15:30

Bruce pointed out the part of joining with Paul by praying for him. The Roman church was a part of Paul's ministry, a vital one which. Praying with our missionaries is missionary work - we are all of one body and prayer can travel the space and time between our home church and our missionary.

Can I encourage you to find out about a missionary you have a connection with, learn about their ministry in detail so that you can be a partner in their work. God does amazing things when we pray.

(photo courtesy of sxc)

The wind, it sparkles

Last night was hot. Suffocatingly hot. The humidity settled heavily and there was no escape.

I lay in bed with the window open wide, almost hanging out of the bed (I have a loft bed, so it's high) while trying to get any of the air that happened to come through the window.

Every now and then, a tiny cool breeze would trickle its way through the window. If I could paint that breeze it would be like a trail of glitter, twisting and turning it's way through my room.

How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! . . . It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore. Psalm 133:1,3

(photo from sxc)