Decision Made

I am
uttering sentences I always hated others saying.
Giving reasons to people I told others weren't good enough.

I am
sorry. I didn't understand  how hard the decision was.
I wish I could take back the bitter thoughts I had.
The agony of what is the right thing to do,
uncertainty of where God want me,
of saying goodbye when so much of me doesn't want to leave.

The devastation of the looks of betrayal,
people telling me I'm being selfish.
The love from those who know me best,
who smile sadly and say they understand.

I am
ripping off the band aid.
Made a decision and carring it out.
Advice asked, prayers prayed, tears shed.
Refusing to disappear, though it's easier that way.